FIGHT FAIR
Squabbling with your siblings? Constantly battling with your BFF? Clashing with your crush? Fighting is a huge pain, but it happens to the best of us. Myjellybean.com has tips on how to fight fair, and keep things from getting out of hand.
Take it Down a Notch
You start out talking, and soon there's yelling. But you don't want to say things you'll regret later on! Cool things down before they get crazy, be tuning into your personal anger-meter. Before you feel yourself reaching that "I'm gonna scream something mean" point, call a time-out in the fight. Just say, "Let's pick this up later" or "I need a break, I can't talk about this right now." Then walk away... and write in your journal, dance to loud music in your room, take the dog for a fast walk, bang on the piano, or whatever helps you to blow off steam. Sometimes, like when you or your mom are in a grumpy mood, fights erupt for barely any reason. Just taking time away from a nasty argument can help it to blow over.
Fight at the Right Time
Sometimes fights are about getting something you want. Maybe your dad won't let you get a navel ring, and the unfairness of it is making you mad. Instead of nagging him right when he gets home from work, or five minutes before you're headed to the piercing place with your buds, make a date to talk to him when there's more time (say, on a Saturday morning). Or if you're spatting with your friend, talk to her after school instead of squeezing it in between classes. If you can get some talking time when no one is hurried or distracted, there's a better chance you'll get your two cents in.
Resist the Urge for Revenge
If your sister "accidentally" spills soy sauce on the sweater you wouldn't let her borrow, getting revenge by wrecking one of her things might seem like the obvious thing to do. But while it might be satisfying to think about getting back at someone, in reality it just makes things worse. It doesn't fix whatever started the problem (like ratting on your sis to your parents might!) and it just makes you a bad guy too. Plus the fight could turn into one of those back-and-forth, never-ending feuds. And you have better things to do with your time and energy!
Listen Up
Lots of fights happen because of miscommunication. For instance, your mom won't let you listen to music in the car, and you feel like she won't respect your tastes. There are always at least 2 sides to every story. Ask what the real problem is, and listen to the answer. It may be that your mom is a nervous driver, and can't concentrate when there's any loud music in the car. You pop on headphones, and the problem is solved! There, that was easy.
Be Articulate
Sometimes, the key to fixing an argument is speaking your point more clearly. If you are the type who ignores things until you just can't keep quiet anymore, you need to speak up before things get completely annoying. (Otherwise, you could end up exploding when you reach the boiling point). To speak up and really be heard, say exactly what's bothering you. Instead of telling your boyfriend, "You're such a jerk", tryk "It bothers me when you flirt with other girls right in front of me." Tell him why you feel that way ("It makes me feel like I'm not your number one") and then explain what you want him to do differently ("I wish you'd pay more attention to making me feel important.")
Be Prepared to Compromise
Compromising is often a great wayto solve a conflict and make everyone happy. Reaching a compromise between what you want, and what someone else expects, can be a great problem-solver. For instance, your BFF gets mad when you don't phone her every night, but you need time for your homework, other friends, and yourself. Talk to her about relaxing the "every night" thing, she might not know it's a pain for you.
Get Over It
Fighting isn't fun. When you feel wiped out from feuding, call a truce. Give in, or agree to disagree, whatever stops the angry words going back and forth. Then move on for real - don't secretly stew about the way things ended up. Sometimes the mature thing to do is letting someone else "win" - especially if the fight wasn't really all that important.