MEAN GIRL BROADCAST HER SECRET CRUSH

Dear Jellybean,

I am a freshman in high school and picked on miserably. Recently, a couple of seniors have found out my secret crush. I think I know who did it, because I only told one girl. She has been out to get me since kindergarten. She flirts with whatever boy she finds out I like. Problem is that she is mean to the students but when she gets witnesses she becomes the sweetest little girl you've ever seen. How do I ignore this slight "problem"?
Sincerely,
Confused And Alone

Dear Confused,

Short of doing a "mean girls" style stunt to expose this Regina wannabe, there's not much hope of "outing" Miss Two-Faced. What you need to do is, not ignore the problem, but fight the gossip with your intelligence.

Rather than freaking out and running around denying you're crushing on that guy, just play it cool. When the gossip gets back to you, go into full acting mode. Laugh lightly and say something like, "Is THAT what's going around about me? I wonder why some loser would go to so much trouble to spread a lie."

This approach does two things. It shows people that you have nothing to hide because you are not acting defensively, and it puts the burden back on the gossip-spreader by making others wonder if they have is a hidden agenda (or just nothing better to do).

Remember that no matter what you say or do, some people are going to believe the rumour about you liking your crush. any rumours they hear. Your goal is to reduce the embarrassment, since it's impossible to make everyone forget what they've heard. You also have to know that people are going to forget about this rumour the second that they hear another one, which should be any minute now. So this offensive will pass. Try to hang in there.

Do not be tempted to confront the girl who spread the gossip about you. Causing a scene or going on the offensive will only make her feel she are justified in spreading venom. (This is how mean girls explain to themselves that what they do is okay). If possible, I'd recommend avoiding this girl altogether. But if you do have to say something, wait until you are calm and the initial shock has passed.

If you feel compelled to speak up, then I'd say you should fight fire with fire. That means, spreading a little gossip yourself, as in: "Have you heard what so-and-so is saying about me? What a joke!" and do it with a smile. Try to sound calm and confused, never bitter and resentful. If anyone asks if the rumour is true say, "No of course not, but does it really matter what I say? I just wish I knew why so-and-so started this one in the first place." If it is true, omit the "No" and just say, "Does it really matter what I say? I just wish I knew why so-and-so spread this around in the first place!"

Obviously, you must never tell this girl again when you like someone. That's just giving her ammunition. From now on, keep your secret crushes truly secret, or only confide them in friends who you totally trust to keep quiet about it.