VIOLENT KIDS AT SCHOOL

Dear Jellybean,

Well, I`m 13 and in my school the kids are very...well.."violent". I live in a very urban, ghetto neighborhood where everyone is all about fighting.. and teasing.. talking about each other behind their backs. I`m a pretty decent kid.. in my school. I don't get in trouble as much as other people. Yes, I get in trouble for some stuff but nothing serious like getting into a fight and hurting other people. I used to be friends with these two girls, who I will change their names to stay anonymous. For now.. I'll call them. Angie and Tina. We used to be really close but then Tina got jealous because I was hanging out with Angie whole lot more. So they both started fighting. Then it became just Angie and Me who were friends... and then Me and Tina.. and then Angie and Tina... and it just goes around and around.. Tina is a very popular girl and Angie is a kind of girl who would most likely bully other kids.. And since they became friends they are now teasing and bothering me since they are now against me. Angie threw a tennis ball at my head on purpose, and they both start rumors, and talk stuff behind my back.. They also threaten about beating me up or jumping me. And they also curse and say stuff to me to make me feel bad. Or they tell me that they're going to get a whole bunch of other people to fight me. I'm scared to death because I`m not the type of girl who would be violent and fight other people.. and this has never happened to me before. First of all, since this has never happened to me.. I don't know how to fight back if they do fight me.. so right now self defense is a must! Also, Angie is a lot bigger than I am so I'm scared of that too.. I have cried several times in school and at home because of how they were treating me. We all go to counseling sessions together at least once a week. but nothing has changed.. I am getting sick and tired. and I just want them to leave me alone.. What should I do?? I have told everybody I know and they tried to help but Angie and Tina just won't listen. Please Help!!
THANKSZ!
MJ

Dear MJ,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I have an enormous amount of admiration for you - you are handling a very difficult situation with a lot of maturity and patience, and you should be totally proud of yourself for that.

I'm glad to hear that you are going to counseling sessions together. However, as you know, that's not going to automatically fix the problem. I'm assuming that everyone's parents know what's been going on - is that the case? If "Angie" and Tina" are going to stop acting like scumbags, it's pretty important that their parents find out exactly what they've been up to. If you're not sure, talk to your parents, and ask them to help you talk to the school adminstration about bringing in Angie and Tina's parents - along with yours - for a discussion about what their daughters have been doing, and how important it is that their behavior changes before someone gets hurt - or arrested.

Also, just because your school is offering counseling, does NOT mean they are doing enough. Any time you feel threatened on school property, you need to make a BIG deal about it to the school authorities, and make them listen. Sometimes people deny what's wrong, but if you slap them in the face with this, they have to pay attention.

You should not be handling this situation on your own from day-to-day. If you end up in a fight and get hurt, the school could end up with a huge lawsuit on its hands. You have the legal right to be physically safe at your school, and they need to get serious about this. Report every single threatening incident, and tell the school office that you are keeping a "log" or list for your own records too. Demand that they take more action to help you.

Ask your parents to back you up. Explain how hard it is to concentrate on your studies when you are living with so much stress and fear. Maybe your parents need to threaten legal action to make this stop. Hopefully the school will listen to your demands before that has to happen though. It sounds like Angie and Tina may need to get kicked out of that school if they can't behave like human beings. (And that would certainly make school a nicer place for you to be, wouldn't it?)

Good luck to you. Hang in there. Don't try to take them on in a fight you can't win. Fight with your brain, by knowing your rights, and making the school listen. I will be holding a hopeful thought for you. :)