DATING RULES

Dear Jellybean,

Ok, here's my problem. My parents want guys to think I'm amazing and unique, and they say I'm not allowed to go to the movies because they think I would get to know him better if I went somewhere where I could talk to him, and he will think I'm cooler than the other girls if we go somewhere other than the movies where we can get to know each other, and he will get to know the "real me" but these places are not the typical date for a middle schooler!!! (Hiking, Boating, Swimming) I wouldn't have a problem with this, except that it's only normal to go to the movies, and everyone has stopped inviting me cuz they think "Oh, she can't go, her parents are stupid." and other stuff like that. And it definitely has not improved my love life, but my bf's usually end up dumping me bcuz "We never hang out" especially since it's winter and we can't go anywhere that my parents have in mind! Plz help!!!!

Dear Writer,

My first reaction, of course, is to sympathize with you. Your parents have set up some pretty tough hurdles for a guy to cross, before he can even date you. And then he has to be super into you to keep dating you, because he has to abide by your parents' ideas of where you can go on dates, in order to spend time with you.

But then, my second reaction is, you have really smart parents! They've set up a system that requires a guy to actually care enough about you to respect the boundaries you've been given to work with, and then once he starts dating you, to continue making an effect to spend time with you, even if that requires some creativity and even - gasp - hanging out at your place, where your parents have an opportunity to drop in and supervise, and get to know your boyfriend better in the process, if they are so inclined.

So on the one hand, I get why it's annoying for you. But on the other hand, it's really likely that any guy who actually ends up dating you will be one who truly cares about you and believes you are worth the effort. And that is what ALL of us deserve - a guy who is willing to put some work into seeing us, because he thinks we're totally worth that and more!

You can certainly try talking to your parents about all this. Tell them that you get their no-movie-dates rule, but explain that it makes it very hard to find date activities in the winter time. Ask them to help you come up with alternatives that meet their approval, and are also fun for someone your age to do. If your parents believe you're keen to stick to their rules, hopefully they'll be willing to be a bit flexible, at least during the snowy months. I've got to say though, hats off to your parents for devising a way to ensure that the guys who are just looking for some quick action will give you a pass, and the good ones will be the ones to stick around. That's pretty crafty!