TELLING PARENTS ABOUT BAD GRADES

Dear Jellybean,

I found out my grades and they aren't looking to good. My parents expect really good grades from me and I know they will be mad. Its not because I didn't try believe me, when I found out at school it was a huge wake-up call for me. I talked to the teachers in which I did the worst in and it was just silly mistakes they said I could come in and review with them to make sure it doesn't happen. I'm in the 8th grade and my parents are already obsessed with college and once they see this they'll explode and give me the "talk about college" What can I tell them so it won't be so bad! (Btw I have a tutor ) -Going to be eaten alive by parents

Dear Going to be,

You're actually in better shape than you could be, because you know in advance that your grades aren't good. It's nerve-wracking, I know, but the best possible thing you could do is go to your parents as soon as possible, and tell them straight out that your grades aren't very good this term. Don't put it off and risk your parents finding out at the last minute, and getting surprised by the bad news. Then you're in for a major talk, and they could be pretty angry and/or disappointed if they think you tried to hide your marks from them.

By telling them ahead of time, you'll show your folks that you are trustworthy, and pretty mature to boot. So schedule a time to talk to them - yep, call a family meeting. Then give them the news, straight out. Just put it into simple words, as in, "Mom and Dad, my grades this term aren't great. I didn't do as well as I thought." They'll want to know the specifics, and you should tell them the truth.

I'm not going to lie to you - there's a darned good chance that one or both of your folks will launch into the "talk about college" at this point. So let them. Listen dutifully, and without interrupting, even though you've heard it all 1001 times before. Then when they've finished speaking, take a deep breath. Then, and this is the important part, say something like the following: "I know. You're absolutely right about everything you just said."

Wait for them to get over their shock. (lol) Then make them understand that you really do get why they're concerned. Tell them you've already taken the initiative to find out what went wrong, by talking to your teachers about it. Explain that your instructors feel you have the potential to do better, and they've offered to review your work to help you achieve better grades next time around. This will make your parents feel better, to know you're grown-up enough to take responsibility for the problem, and take positive steps toward fixing it.

If you think you might get flustered and forget all this when you talk to your parents, make notes about what you want to say, and take them with you into your parental meeting. Talk about your ideas for how you'll do better next term. These should include not only taking your teachers' suggestions about doing review, but also how you'll manage your time better, drop one of your extra-curriculars (if necessary) to make more time for homework, go to summer school to bring your marks up in a subject or two, and so on.

Your parents might still be annoyed, but they'll surely be impressed with your attitude, if nothing else. Good luck, and I hope this all leads to better grades, and better communication with your folks, in the future.