PARENTS ARE ALWAYS FIGHTING

Dear Jellybean,

My parents are always fighting and they yell and scream and it scares me and when i go to bed and there still fighting i cant go to bed. My little brothers get scared to. When they talk about stuff they dont talk they scream. How do i get them to stop fighting. PLEASE help me JELLYBEAN!!!

Dear Writer,

I'm so sorry to hear about the anger and tension in your home. That's really tough to live with. The first thing you need to realize is this is not your fault. Your parents' problems are not a result of anything you have done. But because you aren't the cause of your parents' problems, you probably won't be the one to fix them either.

Sometimes parents go through tough times together. It's hard when they're fighting all the time, especially when they're yelling around you. You'll probably never know all the real reasons why they are fighting, but those reasons aren't related to you. What is important is that your parents, whom you love very much, are hurting you in a major way.

When you are alone with each parent, make the best of your time with them. Tell your mom that you love her, and you want her to be happy. But in order for you to be happy with her, she has to quit arguing all the time. Let your dad know that you enjoy spending time with him, but you enjoy it even more when he isn't yelling.

It will be difficult talking to your parents about this situation. Obviously you don't want to upset them because they are your parents and you owe them respect. However, the only way anything will change is if you let them know the way they're acting doesn't just affect them. As your parents, their first responsibility is your well-being, and that is something no argument takes away.

Writing in a journal or joining a new school activity might help to divert your thoughts from the tension at home. Getting involved in your school's drama society and trying out for a play, or taking a dance class with a friend, are some examples of things you can do to direct your energies towards something positive.

You might want to talk to an adult that you trust about what is going on at home. Maybe you have an aunt who you are close to, or a youth group leader, or a minister or rabbi who you could confide in and get advice from on an ongoing basis. The most important thing is that you don't keep your frustration pent up, because that will only cause more problems for you. You can also call one of the free teen hotlines, which give confidential support to young people. Find phone numbers on this page of Myjellybean.com.

Sometimes, in the heat of an argument, parents might say anything just to be hurtful. Even if you hear them say the dreaded word "divorce", it doesn't mean it's something either of them is seriously considering. Don't jump to conclusions or panic until you know anything for certain. But if your parents cannot resolve their problems, a divorce might make it easier on you, ending the arguments around you, while relieving the pressure on everyone.

No matter what happens, both of your parents will love you. Just because they do not show love toward each other does not mean they should not show love to you. It might be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but eventually their conflict will come to a resolution. Once that resolution comes to be, you'll be able to love and enjoy your parents a lot more.