TIRED OF CHURCH

Dear Jellybean,

Okay.....so I have this big problem. My church. My mom was raised in it, my dad converted to it. My brother and sister love it. But the problem is, I don't. I've told my mom this, but she says I can stop going when I move out of the house. Which I understand her point, but I still don't think I should have to go. But even though I attend church on Sunday, that's never enough for them. I have to go to every activity, and even seminary. When I explained this to my parents, they said all the activities had to do with the church. I can't get out of anything with church, in fact, it's been a burden lately, and no teen should feel burdened by a church. What do I do? Should I just chill out and go till I'm 18?
-Can't take my church

Dear Can't take my church,

Of all the differences of opinion that teens can have with their families, disagreements over religion can get the most heated and tense. That's because religious beliefs are very central to some people's values. Your parents may worry about the direction you are heading without the guidance that religious faith provides you. They may even be anxious for your very soul. And they may like how busy all these activities keep you - after all, how much trouble can you get into if you're busy with church stuff?

If your convictions are serious, and going to church is truly against your personal beliefs and values, then you can continue to discuss this issue with your parents, even though it might be difficult and sometimes upsetting to have these conversations. But - if you can deal with the church stuff without going too nutty (and it sounds like you can), I have to tell you that it might be the best thing to just go along with your folks for now.

I know that church responsibilities can feel like a burden, particularly if you have activities of your own that you'd rather spend time doing. But it's obviously very important to your parents, so that's something to consider. Also, as long as your parents are providing you a place to live, food to eat, and all the things that come along with providing a home for you, it's pretty reasonable for them to expect you to follow their rules and traditions - at least until you turn 18. Then you can move out, get your own place, pay your own bills, and live life according to your own guidelines.

Going through the motions of Christian traditions might be hard for you. (Although I suspect you won't be refusing your Christmas presents this year, lol). But you mou might just have to follow your parents' rules and go along for now. You can still have your own opinions, and it's probably only a few more years until you turn 18 and can start doing your own thing.

Also know that religious duties can be a burden for adults too. It's kind of the point, actually - if you believe in the system of religion you're in, you follow along with the activities and duties not because it's necessarily so much fun, but because you feel it's your duty. That's probably just how your parents feel, a lot of the time.

So if you can be mature enough to do so, perhaps it is better for you to "just chill" until you're 18. Even if you have different beliefs than your church teaches, you can just go through the motions to make your parents happy, without true belief. Think of it as a "game" that you play to make your parents feel more relaxed, and to dissolve family tension. You'll make your parents feel good and avoid arguments by just "playing along" for now.