PARENTS DON'T LET HER GO OUT

Dear Jellybean,

My parents don't let me go out with my friends. I never ask to go anywhere too crazy, its usually the local ice skating rink or bowling alley. My mom would always say, "No! Stay home, you need to study." My dad would say, "It's dangerous out there, I don't want you outthere alone." I explain to my dad that I would be with friends, and he says yes. But then my mom keeps telling me to study. I get all As in school, so i don't think studying is a problem for me. I've tried talking to my parents about it, but they say they are just concerned about me. They think i'll get kidnapped. I tell them that im not likely to get kidnapped in a huge group of my friends, but then they stop listening to me and send me to my room. I end up staying home while my friends go and have a good time. What can I do to convince my parents to let me have fun with my friends?
-Rachelle, age 13

Dear Rachelle,

I think you're right that your studies aren't truly what your parents are worried about. No, they are scared about your personal safety. Whether your folks know of scary things that have happened to their friends' kids, or they are just freaked out by the stories of kidnapping and other traumas to teens they've heard about on the news, your folks' protective instincts are leading them to try and keep you locked up and therefore safe.

The bright side of your problem is, your parents love you and want to make sure you grow up. Usually parents are overprotective because they really love and care about their kids. The downside (as you know) is, that you end up sitting alone at home while your friends go out and have fun.

You say you've tried talking to your parents, but there are a few things you can still do to make things better for yourself. If your goal is to have more fun times with friends, and your parents don't like you to go out after school hours, maybe it's time for a compromise. Try having your friends come over to your house. You could watch videos, play board games or Truth or Dare, or just hang out. That way you get time with your friends and your parents will be happier. Plus, your folks will get a chance to know your friends more, and see that they're people they can trust you to be out with.

When there's an event that you really want to go to, such as a friend's party or a school dance, you can ease your parents nerves by letting them know that other parents or adults will be there (if that's the case). For a friend's party, you could even have your mom call your friend's mom, so your mom can hear from a grown-up that there's going to be supervision. When it's a school dance, your mom can find out all she needs to know from your school office, or she could even volunteer to be a parent chaperone. Yes, it's a huge drag to have your parents hanging around when you're trying to cut loose with your buddies, but it's better than staying home solo.

You might even want to ask your mom if she'd be willing to come along for some things, if she can't let you out of her sight. Talk to her about how socializing with your peers in extra-curricular situations is an important part of you developing as a person, and learning the social skills that you'll need as an adult.