FAMILY TEASES HER

Dear Jellybean,

I'm an outcast in my family. I have 5 sisters and I'm number 3 and everyone in my family has easily tanning dark skin and dark hair, and I have fair skin and thin fair blonde hair. Also, everyone in my family is skinny, and I'm a little on the chubby side but I'm still pretty skinny, I'm just a little bit more flabby and not as toned as the rest of them. And my mom likes to make fun of me, and encourage sisters to make fun of me, even my 7 year old twin sisters. It really hurts my feelings because they call me fat and say I'm adopted when I know I'm not. They call me the odd-ball and tell me that I'm weird and it really hurts my feelings because they've been doing it for a few years now. What do I do?

Dear Writer,

How awful. I hate to hear that the very people who are supposed to love and accept you, even when nobody else does - your family - are the ones making you feel like an outsider. Show your family this letter, or write it out in your own words, or say it:

"Dear Family,

I love you. Even though you're dark, and I'm fair, and you're skinny, and I'm average, I love you. I love what's inside of you, and would never want to hurt you.

I know that you love me. You would probably feel terrible if you realized how badly you've been hurting me. But the fact is, your "jokes" about my looks, my body size, and my being adopted are wearing down my self-esteem. They are making me feel negative about myself. Being a teenager is hard enough, when you have to deal with peer pressure and peer approval. But when your own family teases you and calls you names, it makes being a teenager almost impossible.

You may think that I can't take a joke. But bad self-esteem is no joke. For some teens, it leads to much more serious problems, such as self-harm and substance abuse. So far I've managed not to go down those paths, but the worse I feel, the more likely it is that something like that could happen to me. I don't want to be sad and feel like a weirdo in my own home. I want to feel like you love me, because I'm your daughter, your sister, and that no matter what I look like, or what my taste in music is, or whatever, you will always accept me. Maybe you should ask yourself why you have to keep making these mean "jokes" at me, when I obviously don't find them funny.

Everyone needs a place where they can feel accepted and at home. I feel like I deserve to have that. But because of your teasing, I don't feel like I have that. I love you. I hope you love me enough to listen to me, and start treating me in a way that shows me that you love me."