GETTING CLOSER TO DANCE FRIENDS

Dear Jellybean,

i spend a lot of time at my dance studio and have really tried to make friends there and have made some and i want to get closer to them. however many have them have been dancing together for many years and i just started there this august i dont expect us ro be instant bffs but it just seems like no matter how hard i try we just stay friends at dance and after that nothing untill we go to dancethe next day . i dont know if i should just forget about it and just go for the dance or do you have any tips for how to ease my way into one of the many cliques. -Lonely dancer

Dear Lonely dancer,

Many a person in your situation has benefited from throwing a party. There's always an excuse to have a party - your birthday, an after-recital event, the start of a new season, the Academy Awards, and so on. Why not plan a party, and invite your dance studio acquaintances?

People love parties, and it gives you an excuse to get those you'd like to know better, over to your house. There, you can spend time being the hostess, going around and yakking with everyone, offering them yummy snacks, and basically starting to build friendships in a new environment. Inviting someone to a party also says to them, "I want to get to know you better" and/or "I think you're a cool person" - without you having to say anything like that.

You could have a party just for the people at dance, but it might be more comfortable to invite other friends too. You can encourage everyone to mingle at the event (not just stay in their cliques) by planning a few fun games or activities (anything from Karaoke to cookie decorating will do). The dance people will see that you're an interesting person with nice friends, you'll get to interact with them more than you normally do at the studio, and hopefully it will break the ice in a way that lasts.

After your party, you may find you are more warmly welcomed back at the dance studio, because people (or at least a couple of them) will see you in a different light, not just as the "new kid" at dance.