NEW STYLE & EX-FRIENDS DRAMA

Dear Jellybean,

I have a really big problem. This year I entered high school. Where I live there are four different towns that go to one high school but separate middle schools. My middle school had 40 kids in my grade or less. I was friends with these two girls who were very artsy and hippie. So to fit in with them I started drssing that way and totally made fun of and hated the brands Hollister, American Eagle, and Abercromibe and Fitch. We never gave them a chance.

See in sixth grade I was really shy and tried to be friends with the popular people but was too shy. Somehow in seventh grade I gained confidence but wasn't friends with them. This new girl moved to our school who was diffferent and artsy and since I had no other friends we became friends. And then this other girl joined us. Well we were best friends from 7th grade all the way through eighth grade. We dressed differently and were basically really snobby. Then we entered high school and since I was very involved with sports (not artsy AT ALL) I made friends on my team who happened to be the type of people I was supposed to hate. Well, I liked them. More than my old friends. So slowly me and my friends stopped hanging out.

I try to say hi to them and be nice to them but it's so awkard and they are so cold to me. I regret being such a snob SOOOOOO much and really wish I didn't say such bad things about those brands. I went shopping over the weekend and went to those stores. Unlike any other time when I go shopping I bought lots of clothes because it turns out I really like the clothing in those stores. I'm scared to wear the clothes to school because I know they are going to talk SOO bad about me. I'm being very hypocritical but this suits me better. This style. I had to try so hard to be artsy looking. It wasn't me. Me and my old friends NEVER talk anymore so I know I shouldn't care but it's hard not to. And then all the people who aren't used to me wearing those brands will be weirded out that I'm wearing them. I want to wear them so badly but I feel like it'll be a really big thing if I do. Please help!!! I'm freaking out and have no one to talk to!! I feel so guilty.

Dear Writer,

I think there's a great lesson in your letter, which is that you should always be yourself. If you define yourself by your friends, then you can really get messed up, especially if you acted just to impress them, and not to express your own personality.

Anyway, here you are in this situation. If I were you, before going on any shopping spree, I would approach your old friends. I know it's awkward, and they're cold to you, but maybe a sincere apology will break the ice. It might be worth a try. I'd approach them when they're alone together, maybe at their lockers or walking down the hall together. Avoid doing this when they're with a crowd, or in front of others in general, where you could get embarrassed if things go wrong.

Start by saying something like, "Hi guys, can I talk to you for a second?" They might try to blow you off, but hopefully they'll stop and give you a moment of their time. Then launch straight into an apology. You could try saying, "I know I acted like a jerk to you in the past, and I really regret it. I said a lot of dumb things that I didn't mean, and I'm sorry. I don't expect us to be friends again, but I want you to know that I feel really badly, and I apologize totally for my behavior."

If you speak sincerely and from the heart, there's a chance that they will accept your apology. There's also a chance that the time for apologies is past, and they won't. But even if your words don't make them melt, apologizing is still the right thing to do.

After that's done, feel free to go and buy whatever clothes you want. Nobody can call you a hypocrite, if you've admitted that what you said before was stupid. And if they do, you can just honestly say, "You know what, people change, and I really like these clothes now. I guess I was wrong before."

It takes a strong person to admit she was wrong. But if you can do it, you'll have a clean slate, and you can start wearing what you want, and being the person you truly are, without only worrying about trying to fit in with others. And if luck is on your side, you might even end up with your old friends back.