Dear Jellybean,
I have two best friends, a girl who I've been good friends with for a while, and a boy who I've just became good friends with. I have a crush on my guyfriend. My girlfriend, who has a lot of different crushes, told me that she had a crush on my guyfriend. When I told her I had the same feelings, she told me she didn't want me to date or flirt with him. I'm not sure if this is fair since I'm closer to him, had a crush on him longer, and he's the only boy I have a crush on, while she has a 'main crush' and doesn't seem to like him as much as I do. Should I listen to her, or should I flirt with my guyfriend?
Dear Writer,
I think you and your friend need to make a deal. Agree that you won't compete over any guys, but that each of you has the right to flirt in general with whoever you feel like being flirty with. Flirting isn't a promise, or an invitation, it's just a fun way (for some girls) to act around guys.
If you do like someone for real and want him to be your boyfriend (as it sounds like you do with your guyfriend), tell your friend how deeply you feel for the guy. Ask if she feels as deeply as you do, and if it would break her heart if you went out his him. If she sincerely says it would, then you need to agree that both of you will give up on going after him. That's the girl code of friendship, and it's essential if you two are going to stay friends.
But if your friend isn't serious about this guyfriend, then ask her to give you a break, and leave the field clear for you to flirt with him. It's unfair for your friend to put "dibs" on a whole group of guys, for only her to flirt with. And it's okay for you to tell her so.
