MAKE HER GO AWAY

Dear Jellybean,

I would really like your help on a friendship problem I have. You see there is this girl named Brianna and she and I were BFF's from grade 3 until grade 6, when I found out she'd cheated off me on tests, broken some of my things and lied to me about getting all A's, when really she had gotten C's. We were best friends and she did this to me! I slowly stopped hanging out with her and eventually we weren't friends anymore. All through grade 7 we stayed that way. Now it's grade 8 and she keeps hanging out with me again. She always eats lunch with me and hangs by my locker. I don't like her, I can't forgive her for what she did. I don't want nor do I need her as a friend. How do I get her to stop hanging out with me, without hurting her feelings? I wish she would just go away! Thank-you.
-Kirsten

Dear Kirsten,

It's been two years since your ex-friend did those things that led to you ending the friendship. That's a long time to hold a grudge. Are you sure you are unwilling to give her a second chance? Everyone makes mistakes, and people grow up a lot between grades 6 and 8. It's possible that your old friend regrets what she did, and has become a different type of person since you knew her back then.

They say that to err is human, and to forgive divine. Your friend made mistakes - okay they were bad ones, but she is only human. Why not be divine, and give her a second chance? You don't have to be her best friend, or even get super-close again. But maybe it's worth getting to know her again this year, just to see if she's changed into the type of person you might be glad to call your friend now.

Of course, there's no law saying you have to forgive people their past mistakes. If you don't want to hang out with this girl, you don't have to. You are going to hurt her feelings if you reject her attempts at friendship - there's no way of getting around that. Just try to be kind about it, and keep the embarrassment (for her) to a minimum. That means, don't have a confrontation, or give her a big explanation for why you don't want to hang out. Just tell her you're busy at lunchtime (or save the seat beside you for another friend), don't hang at your locker (grab your books and go), and basically make it clear through your actions that you don't have time for her. She'll get the message, and eventually give up on you.