Dear Jellybean,
I have a real problem. Me and my friend Alexa have been nearly connected at the hip for two years. We would call each other every day, and she'd come to my house almost every school day. But sixth grade really took its toll on her. She's completely changed now. I have to admit that I've changed too, but not drastically. I'm more of a punk/emo girl, and no offense to anyone, but I HATE preps. And that's exactly what she's become. She dresses like them, acts like them, and is pretty much a clone. And lately she's been calling me emo for no reason, and she knows that I hate being called that. On the last day of school, she sat at the table with her crush at lunch, and she nearly didn't let me sit there because there weren't enough seats, and we sat at the same table ALL YEAR, like every single day, no matter if there weren't seats or anything. But all in all, she has changed A LOT, for the worse, and i don't know how to break it to her.
-Kat
Dear Kat,
You can't "break it to her" that she's changed for the worse. What are you going to say, "You looked better before" or "You changed for the worse?" Sounds like a friendship-ending move to me.
No, you can't tell a friend that you liked her better the way she used to be. We all grow and change, and you can't control how someone develops as time passes. What you can do though, is let your friend know that you feel the friendship has changed, and you're missing how close you used to be.
Talk to your friend when it's just the two of you, and you're hanging out alone. Try asking her how she feels about the friendship these days, to get the conversation started. You might say, "We both changed a lot this year, don't you think?" Or, "Who would have ever thought we'd both change so much in one year?" That's bound to lead to a conversation about how things were, and how things are now. Then you can say something positive like, "Even though we're kind of different, I still really want to be close friends." See where that leads you.
It's possible that you and your friend are growing apart, and will end up in different crowds. But you could also wind up staying really close, as long as you can both respect each other's need to follow your own paths in life, and in fashion.
One more thing: Putting down your friend for being a prep (or saying you hate all preps), is just as rude and closed-minded as someone name-calling you, because you're punk/emo. Your friend isn't a label, she's a person. So stop calling her a clone, a prep, etc. She's got a name. And whatever she wears, she doesn't deserve to be stereotyped, just like you don't deserve it.
