FRIEND IS OBSESSED WITH CRUSH

Dear Jellybean,

I have this friend and all she does is talk about her crush! They have gone out SEVERAL times and he keeps breaking up with her! She believes that he still likes her but i dont think he does! She comes to me and calls me about 20 times a day and talks about him! I am getting really bored of the subject! I have tried to get her to calm down and give it a break but she keeps calling him! She calls him over and over and over until he picks up! She even sang him a song on his message machine telling him that she is in love with him and misses him. She keeps telling him that she cant sleep without talking to him. I dont know how to tell her that I am sick of hearing her problems when I have my own life with problems that I need to deal with! I have been doing everything I can but I cant deal with it anymore! Please Help Me!
-Sick of Her Whining

Dear Sick,

Wow - twenty phone calls a day is at least 19 too many! Might I suggest approaching this problem with a little humor? Next time your friend starts going on about her crush, try saying something like, "But enough about you...!" Then switch the topic to something that might interest BOTH of you.

Or you could just interrupt her yakking with your own news: "Hey, did I tell you that (I just wrote an awesome song / bought the cutest tee-shirt / saw the best movie / whatever)?"

If she's slow to get the hint, try another tack - namely, guilt. Say, "I know you're wrapped up with this guy, but talking about him all the time is starting to make me feel really bad, since I don't have a boyfriend. Do you think we could give it a rest for a couple of days?" Whatever words you use, it's okay to tell your friend that you can't only talk about one thing all the time, and that you have your own life and problems to deal with.

Do make sure you're putting forward your own issues and interests, when you talk to your friend. Don't just let her push you into the background, because she's so obsessed with her one topic of convo.

If your friend won't back off after trying all this, and you really can't deal with it, you might have to take a break - by not answering the phone for a few days, staging a vacation ("I'm going to a friend's cottage for a few days...") or something of the sort. When the break's over, confront your friend if she doesn't ask how you've been, and what you've been up to. Say, "Hey, I already know all this stuff (about her crush). Aren't you interested in what's going on with me, or what I've been doing in my life?"

Friendship is a two-way street. Sometimes it's focused on one person, when we throw our support behind a friend who's in need. But if this friendship is always one-sided, and your friend never backs you through your obsessions in the same way, it might be time to drift away a bit, and stick with other (or find new) friends who are better at this.