FORGIVING A FRIEND

Dear Jellybean,

Last year I went out with this great guy for 6 months, then he broke up with me. 2 minutes later he asked me back out and said that it was a mistake and that he wanted to go back out. i tol dhim no becasue that is what I thought was best at the time. So he decided to go and ask my best friend out. She came to me first and asked permission. I told her that I wanted her to wait a little bit until I got over the break up. BUt she went behind my back and said yes anyway. This made me very mad. I would always see them flirting together. My friend never left his side. She kept on writing me these letters saying that I should be happy for her, because he was her first boyfriend. But I was hurt and didn't want anythign to do with her. I blocked her from my IM and had my parents answer the phone so I wouldn't have to talk to her. THey broke up about 2 months later and I was still pretty mad at her for going out with him a half-n-hour after he broke up with me. When he did break up with her though she came to me and asked me to be there for her and I was, but why wasn't she there for me when I needed her? Anyway...so I am still a little mad at her but we are a lot better. What I want to know is how to fully forgive her. I love her like a sister. I don't want to be mad at her anymore for a mistake she made two years ago! But how?
Love,
I lover her but I don't

Dear I lover her,

I'm glad that you are your friend are working on your friendship, since you love her "like a sister". True friends really do become "family" to us. And like family, they are always in our hearts, even if sometimes they make us angry or do things we don't appreciate or approve of.

Know that forgiveness is a process. That means it happens over time, rather than all at once. Your friend broke the bonds of trust with you, and it will take time to build them back up. However, if your goal is to mend your friendship and have things be like they were before, you must allow her to earn your trust back.

I don't know why your friend wasn't there for you before, but as long as she's apologized and you feel that she is sincere, it's time to let her start proving that she will be a better friend to you now. We're all human, and we all make mistakes. It is important to focus on what you and your friend have learned from the experience (such as, competing over boys is a bad idea for your friendship), and moving on from there.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, or pretending what your friend did wasn't wrong. But as life goes on, and your friendship repairs itself, you can remember that you once had a rough time, and that you've forgiven your friend.

So don't hold back your heart. Let go of the anger (which is only hurting you), and see what happens. If your friend cares for you as much as you care for her, there's a good chance she'll never hurt you like that again.