BEST FRIEND IS GAY

Dear Jellybean,

The other day my best friend admitted to me he was gay. Now I know this is not a bad thing at all, but ever since he told me I have felt like I am in some kind of dream world or a book, and I cannot seem to accept it. I also cannot seem to concentrate on anything and I am always thinking about him. I am very proud of him although, because he is very open and wants to talk about anything I might ask or feel, but for some reason I am finding it, not hard, but awkward to talk to him. I also find it strange because I’m up for gay rights, yet I myself am, I guess, am afraid. This makes me sad because it means I cannot accept someone who I love and care for so much for who they are. Do you know what is going on with me? Is there anything I can do to make myself feel better and to be a better friend? Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.
-Dreamer, age 13

Dear Dreamer,

Your surprise is natural. Your friend has turned out to be a different person than you thought he was. It's sort of like he had a "secret" that he kept to himself for a really long time, and he just shared it with you. You are rethinking who he is, and what your relationship is, and that's a natural process. Whenever a friendship changes, there's always a weird period. The good news is, if your friendship is true, this will end up making it even stronger. It's very hard to "come out" to a friend - and the fact that your friend told you he's gay (especially if not many other people know) shows that he trusts you hugely, and considers you an extremely close friend.

I'm glad to hear that you support gay rights. Your friend needs positive people on his side now, because the sad fact is, there are some small-minded people who may not take his announcement so calmly. Be there for him to talk through any troubles he has, and remember that whatever his sexual orientation is, your friend is still the person you have great talks with, have stuff in common with, gossip about celebrities with, etc. All that's new is that he doesn't want to hook up with chicks... and really, that's not such a big deal in the scheme of things!

You might want to read some information about teenagers who are gay, and the process they go through in figuring out their sexuality and deciding to tell people about it. Check out the Gay Student Center website - they have an excellent collection of articles and diaries that can help you get a better idea of the journey that your friend is going through. CLICK HERE to access their website.