Dear Jellybean,
I've had the same group of friends since kindergarden and we've been best friends since then. We were always there for each other no matter what happened, no matter what neither of us did...etc. Last year, everything changed. A new girl came into our class. We knew that she was a trouble maker at her other school but she seemed nice to all of us so we went with it. Wow was that a mistake. She somehow managed to turn everyone against this one gIrl in our group. A while later, everyone in the class started neglecting my friend and treating her like dirt. I did too for awhile but something was bothering me and I figured out that I shouldn't change to impress anyone els so I stopped. I told my friend that I was apart of it too and had clearly lost my mind. She forgave me and I started hanging out with her again. Even if I did so, my other "so called friends" still dissed her in front of me. One day, the trouble maker girl called me and started dissing her like I wouldn't care, but I did and I snapped. I told her to stop going on with this because it's over and done with and my friend nor I would change to be accepted. At school, all my friends stopped talking to me, I never got phone calls anymore and my e-mail inbox was empty. I was always alone and at the lunch table, I'm never part of the conversation. When I try to talk, I'm simply ignored. I think I did the right thing by taking my targeted friend's side but now I don't know what to do. Even if this is so, I'm still really happy that I took my other friend's side. Please help!
-Anonymous but wrongly judged
Dear Anonymous,
I think you did the right thing too. In fact, I am totally awestruck by your tremendous strength of character, in the face of haters and trouble makers. You are a rare and intelligent person, and your loyalty to your friend (the one you stuck by) is completely impressive. You're a strong girl with excellent values, and you're the type of friend that everyone wishes they had.
My advice is, keep doing what you've been doing for a while. Ignore others' meanness, and keep trying to join the conversation. It's possible that everyone will get tired of this little game they're playing. And other girls might start to "wake up" and realize that they're just being slavish followers, and that new trouble maker girl is toxic. Give it a bit of time, and see what happens.
Of course, it's also possible that those so-called friends of yours are too far into this mode of ignoring you, and they won't snap out of it. If that's the case, it will be hard, but you'll have to accept it. Enjoy your friendship with the friend you supported against them, and look for new friends who aren't involved in this drama. There are other kids at school who you could hang out with. Getting involved in an after-school group, club or team might be a good way for you and your friend to meet other like-minded people, and form new friendship ties.
Whatever you do, don't compromise your integrity. Keep sticking by that friend of yours, and refusing to join in the cruelty. Our history is full of situations where everyone ganged up on a certain person or group, and nobody stuck by them. If enough people had, countless lives could have been saved. It's a dramatic example, but it's the same principle. Sticking up for a person who did nothing wrong, even when nobody else does, is heroic. You should be very proud of yourself for your actions.
