Dear Jellybean,
My best friend is overly obsessive about her crush!!!! Her life is controlled by what he does, and I cannot stand it! I am literally losing my best friend because all she ever wants to talk about is *him* and won't talk about anything else! I am so sick of *him*, *him*, *him*! I've tried to be supportive but I feel like she doesn't appreciate me anymore. When I come in the morning, the first thing she says is "OMG, *he's* not here!!! What am I going to do???" Then, at break, she says "look at him, he is so cute!" Then, in all of the rest of our classes, she passes my notes about him. She asks me literally 30 times a day "what am I going to do??" UGH! I CANNOT STAND IT ANYMORE! She doesn't talk about her cats or soccer or hockey or her cousins or anything else but *him*. It is all about *him*; he has completely taken over her life!!!! I don't even know why she likes him, he's an idiot. And she hates this other guy who's just like *him* and she'd know that if she actually knew *him*!! It's all she ever thinks about and her grades are slipping because of it and she's very distant from all of her closest friends; its unhealthy on too many levels! Plus, to make matters even worse, he does not like her back what-so-ever and thinks she's a freak because she's stalking him, knows all his classes, and has never even talked to him. All my other friends agree and we have no idea what's going to happen when he goes to as different school next year. I cant talk to her about it because so VERY sensitive and she'll start crying. What should we do, its been months?!
-Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
Talk to your friend. Say, "I have something really important to talk to you about. I've been nervous to talk to you, because I don't want you to get upset or cry. But I feel like there's a problem in our friendship, that we really need to talk about."
The next part is the most important part. You need to present your problem, but in a way that makes it seem like it's YOUR problem. It may sound weird, but this is the best way to get what you want (your friend reducing her crush-talk, at least partly) and not make your friend cry or flip out. If you put things so it sounds like you're the one with an issue, and ask for her help, she's more likely to want to be nice and help you out. (Whereas, if you just tell her the way she's acting is whack, she'll probably just cry/get mad/etc).
So how do you do this? Tell her that you feel really bad, because you don't have a boyfriend, and hearing her talk about her crush all the time makes you feel so lonely and left out. Ask her if you guys can sometimes make an effort to talk about your stuff - whether that is pets, sports, your family, or whatever - that doesn't involve guys, because all this guy stuff is making you feel down and left-out.
With any luck, your friend will feel bad about your so-called problem, and make an effort to be less obsessive about her crush around you, at least sometimes. Of course, if you're really going batty and this tactic doesn't work, you might just have to spend more time with other friends, who have more to talk about that interests you.
