FRIEND IS ABOUT TO BE DUMPED

Dear Jellybean,

I have a feeling my BFF is going to be breaking up with her boyfriend really soon. Last time this happened to her (with a different boy) it took her about a month to get over him. She’s even more into this guy, and I just know there going to break up.

Recently he told her he wasn’t sure if he loved her anymore. If they do break up, what can I do to speed her healing process. Last time she shut us all out and was always depressed and crying. How can I help if it happens again?

-Anna

Dear Anna,

Uh oh. "Not sure if I love you anymore" equals "I'll be dumping you soon" - so yes, you're probably about to have a sad friend on your hands.

Having been on both sides, I know that while going through a bad breakup is heartbreaking, it's also hard to be the breakee's best friend. You want her to feel better, you want her to stop whining, you want her to confide her feelings in you. You want her to be predictable, instead of seeming okay one minute, then breaking down into sobs the next.

Even when it feels difficult, though, don't give up. You're her BFF, and it's your job to be there for your friend in her time of need, even when it's not easy to do. The single most important thing you can do for her is listen, whenever she's ready to talk. If she doesn't want to, don't push her, and don't take it personally. She will when she's ready.

Try to be patient, and don't try to rush your friend through the healing process. We all take our own time to get over things like this. If she wants to tell you the same story about that thing he did a year ago, a hundred times, bite your tongue and listen, even if it's at 2 in the morning. She owes you, and can do the same for you someday, but for now it's your turn. She needs to mourn the good times, along with accepting the bad about her ex, before she can move on.

Do be on her side, a hundred percent. Don't try to see his side of the story, or make excuses for anything he did. This guy hurt your friend, and as long as she's upset with him, it's your job to share her feelings. Tell her it's his loss, she's way better than he is, and he never deserved her anyway, because she is amazing and he is not.

Provide your friend with healthy distractions. Cheering her up when she's stuck in an awful mood is a great way to show your friend how much you love her. Have her over to watch funny or dramatic DVDs, make her a breakup survival kit (include tissues, chocolate, a picture of her favorite male celeb, and whatever else might make her laugh), invite her to the gym with you, write songs or stories together, go to a concert, give her tons of hugs, buy her a teddy bear, or whatever else you can think of. Getting your friend involved in fun activities will help her to get her mind off the break up and will show her that life can still be good without her former boyfriend. (Plus, it will get her out of the house and away from the 'net - and possible errors of judgment involving email and Facebook).

When she seems ready to hear it, encourage your friend to think about how much better her life is going to be without her ex. Now she's free to meet a great new guy, have more time to herself, flirt with whoever she wants, and so on. Remind your friend that even if she feels awful, time heals all wounds, eventually. The thought that her pain will naturally come to end one day can speed that process along.