JEALOUS OF FRIEND'S OTHER FRIENDS

Dear Jellybean,

I have this problem with my friend, well actually I guess it's more of a problem with me but whenever she goes out with her other friends I feel really bad and whenever she makes new friends I always feel jealous. I don't know what to do because I'm sick of competing with her in my head and I've only half gotten over my jealous of her. Plus it's difficult because I don't have many friends myself, I'm just sick of planning my life around her all the time. So any advice would be really helpful.

Thanks a bunch,
Roxi

Dear Roxi,

Friendship is a bond between equals. It has nothing to do with possessing the other person, or making rules for them. It's natural to be mildly jealous when your friend makes a new friend, but I think your feelings are a little deeper than that.

Accept that your friend is an independent person, and has the right to be friends with lots of different people. Enjoy the time you spend with her, but don't try to hold her back from hanging with other people. That kind of behavior is controlling and petty, and doesn't belong in any real friendship.

You also need to stop planning your life around this friend. She didn't ask for this, and doesn't need the responsibility of being your entire social life. It's great if you can hang with her sometimes, and even get to know her new friends so you can hang with them (and maybe they'll become your new friends too). But I think it's really important, since you've become so dependent on her, that you get out and meet some new people, and give yourself opportunities to make new friendships.

So how do you do this? Look for classes you can take, summer programs you can get into, activities you can sign up for, where you'll keep yourself busy and meet new, like-minded people. Check your local newspaper and community centers to see what's going on in your neighborhood or town. You could also think outside yourself, and get into doing some volunteer work, that will not only give you something interesting to do, but will benefit others who are in need. Get tips on doing that in the Myjellybean Make A Difference Section - check the links under the heading "Do Volunteer Work" for ideas.