FEELING IGNORED BY FRIENDS

Dear Jellybean,

Well I have a group of which I think were really close friends. last year we were really close. this year we entered a new grade at the beginning it was still the same but through the middle everything became so dark and I started to feel so bad about it. like when I talked to them they don't listen to me and sometimes they ignore me. also within that small group theres a bit of a click. I'm trying to give signs of how I feel but I have a hard time showing my feelings. what I'm doing to get through this is just moving a bit away from them. Should I continued moving ahead or confront them on my feelings of feeling left out?
-Hotjb, age13, NY

Dear Hotjb,

It's hard to feel like your friends are pulling away from you, or to feel like you're being ignored. I get the issue. But I don't think a confrontation is a good idea. If there's something going on, you'll just add fuel to the fire. And if there's not, you could create a problem out of nothing.

I think a better thing to do is to try a few strategies to change the group dynamic. That means making plans and taking action. Instead of waiting to see if your friends will invite you to something, or if they'll spend time with you on the weekend, change things up by making plans in advance that include the whole group.

Fix plans for a slumber party at your place, or a movie date at the mall. When you get together, don't just sit there quietly and let them yak it up with each other. Get involved in conversations with them, ask questions, tell jokes, whatever... the point is, be yourself and figure out how these friendships work when all of you are sharing the same space, and doing your best to keep the conversation going.

With a little bit of confidence and some practice, you might be able to feel more like part of the group. But if you do continue to feel left out, even if you're doing your best to be outgoing, then maybe it's time to find more loving friends.