FRIENDS DIDN'T STAND UP FOR HER

Dear Jellybean,

There are a few girls who are a grade ahead of me that really hate me and my best friend. One day at lunch, these mean girls started talking really bad about my BFF and I to our two other friends. We came to lunch a little late, and saw them talking to our friends. So we asked our friends why they were talking. One of my friends admitted they were talking badly about us. I asked her what she said back to them. She admitted she said nothing. In my opinion, though, she should have stood up for us. And you would think that one of our friends would have said something! I'm really mad, but I don't know if I should say anything or just let it go. Help!
-Hurt and Angry

Dear Hurt and Angry,

You're right to be angry, but you're taking it out on the wrong people. Those older girls are the ones who messed up, not your friends. They were mean to talk badly about you and your BFF, and of course it made you upset. But don't make this a drama that interferes with your real friendships.

It's always great when a friend makes a stand for you, but it's not that easy to do, especially when the meanies are older or otherwise intimidating. Your friend probably said nothing because she was afraid of becoming a target herself, which is totally understandable. Yes, it would have been amazing if she had told the older girl to shut up and stop talking about you, but your friend didn't act badly by just keeping quiet and waiting for the older girls to go away.

In the end, we have to count on ourselves to defend our own honor. If you hear those older girls talking about you again, you have every right to stand up for yourself, and tell them you won't put up with that. But don't get mad at other people for not doing it for you. I think you should let it go, recognize that you're really mad about what was said (not at your friends), and move on.