MAKE EX-FRIEND GO AWAY!

Dear Jellybean,

I had this friend that i was really close to but then she totally ditched me for more popular people. She really hurt me and when she was ditched by her new more popular friends she came right back to me and wanted to be friends again.

I told her no and i would not even listen to her plea. She also did the same to my two other best friends. They also were very hurt by her but they wanted to become friends with her again. I told them they could as long as i didn't have to associate with the girl again.

Now my bff's are really good friends with herand it makes me really uncomfortable. Like yesterday my friend and i were at the mall and we saw her. My friend went over to talk to her but she totally left me in the dust. I was the one who brought her to the mall.

Then the girl went out with my other bff and my bff came to school and told me about it. She seemed happier then when i brought her to Conneticut with me for my birthday trip.

I dont like the fact that my friends are spending more time with her and are lying to me about it.

I want to comfront my bff's about it but idk if they would tell me the truth.I want to ask them if they like me or her better. I dont think thaat i can handle the stress of this anymore.

My ex-bff also sent me a cycle of mean e-mails so i replied equally mean and bffs that i was the mean one. She also is acusing me of not wanting to talk to her. I dont but i just want her to go away.

-Annoyed Friend

Dear Annoyed Friend,

Why are you so unwilling to give this girl a chance? I get that she hurt you, and that she acted really badly when she ditched you for the popular people. But continuing to punish her for her mistake, isn't teaching her any important lesson, other than that you can be very unforgiving. In fact, since your other friends have forgiven her, and let her back into their lives, you wind up looking like a vindictive and angry person, even if that's not normally the case.

Your friends are lying to you about hanging out with this girl, because they know you hate her. But they have every right to hang out with her. Whether or not you like their choices, your friends are free to choose their own friends. If you stopped putting so much pressure on them, about something you have no right to boss them about, they would not have to lie to you about it.

I'm not saying you have to be best friends with the girl who ditched you before, but it doesn't sound like she's just going to go away, like you want her to. Your friends are friends with her, and there's nothing wrong with that. So you have a couple of choices. You can either keep making this a huge deal with your friends, in which case you might end up with no friends at all. You can find a new group of friends, which seems drastic, but is totally your right. Or you can decide to let bygones be bygones, and give your ex-friend another chance.

Maybe she's changed, and genuinely feels bad about how she acted before. Maybe she's a better person now, and a better friend. You don't have to forget what happened, but can't you try to forgive? Forgiveness doesn't mean you're saying what she did was okay. It's saying you're a big person, big enough to get over something that happened in the past, try to move on, and give someone another chance. It's actually a show of strength.

Give this ex-friend a chance to show you who she is now, and you might be pleasantly surprised. It certainly would put an end to some of the drama that's going on now, and I have a feeling that you, and everyone, would be happier in general.