WANTS HER GUY FRIEND BACK

Dear Jellybean,

My best friend is a guy and people have always told me that this type of friendship always fails because one always ends up in love with the other. I never believed this to be true. I love my best friend immensely and I have never met anyone as much like me as him. He's the kind of person I just have to look at and he knows what I want to say and vise versa.

A couple of months ago however, I got a boyfriend. It was after we had made our relationship official that my best friend told me he had feelings from me, however we agreed to just be friends. After all, I have a boyfriend and I've never seen him as anything more than my best and truest friend. The problem is one of his old friends recently moved closer to us and has been interefering in our friendship. He has told my best friend that I am only toying with his emotions and that I only wish to lead him on. Of course this is completely untrue but last night my best friend called me and said he has never had someone play with his feelings as much as I had and that he'd appreciate it if I left him alone.

I had already explained to him that his friend has no business saying that and that the last thing I want to do is hurt him but he's just not seeing reason.

I feel terrible now that he doesn't talk to me... I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose his friendship forever. However, I feel that I'm in love with my boyfriend and I don't want to let this affect our relationship either. I don't want to seem too attached to my best friend or too broken hearted that he's not talking to me [even though I really, really am] because I fear my boyfriend [and others] will interpret it the wrong way.

Any advice? Anything at all is helpful...

-BFF-less Girl

Dear BFF-less Girl,

My advice is, it's time to make a decision about how you feel, for your BF and for your best friend, and let everyone know what it is. It doesn't have to be a permanent decision - you can always change your mind one day. But in fairness, you can't kep your best friend guessing. And since being straight-forward about you feel, instead of leaving him hanging, may actually save your friendship, I'd say it's the best thing to do.

So here's what you do. Call your friend and tell him you're lost without his friendship. Say you'd never play with his heart, and if he feels like you are, you sincerely apologize. Then tell him that you've decided to make a choice, so that nobody feels toyed with. You love your boyfriend as a BF, and you love your best friend as a BFF - and nothing more.

Explain to your BFF that you're totally flattered by his feelings for you, but it's more important for you to keep him as a friend. Tell him you don't like him "that way", but you feel empty with his friendship, because he's your best bud. Ask him if he can still be part of your life, as your closest friend, but that nothing more is going to happen between you two.

If your friendship is important to your BFF, hopefully he'll take this chance to restart it. He could be hurt that you don't like him as more than a friend, but it's REALLY important not to hold out any hope for that, or he'll think you are playing him, just like his friend said. Even if he asks, "Do you think you could like me that way someday?" be blunt about saying, "No, I like you as a friend. I'm in love with (your BF's name). But I really want our friendship to continue."

Incidentally, your boyfriend should be thrilled by all this. Because even if he knows you love him, all this drama over your best guy friend could be giving him doubts. By putting everyone straight once and for all, and being strict about your decision, you have the best chance of keeping both guys. Good luck!