FRIEND HAS B.O.

Dear Jellybean,

I'm really hoping you can help! I'm having a problem with one of my friends and don't know how to solve it without being rude. which I really don't want to do, she's a good friend of mine and I'm not sure that she realizes it but she has horrible B.O and my nose is really sensitive to it! I mean we go out and I'm embarassed because I know others can smell it too, and i don't want it to look like its me like come on its GROSS! It's so bad that if were driving together i need to roll down the window for fresh air, im not even exaggerating. So please Jellybean help me, how do I let my friend know without hurting her feelings?
-Sensitive to Smell

Dear Sensitive to Smell,

That's a toughie, alright. Talking to someone about this subject is incredibly difficult, even for the closest of friends, because of the risk of hurt feelings. You don't want to embarrass your friend, you don't want to make her feel bad, and most of all you don't want to risk your friendship with her. But then again, you don't want to smell that B.O. anymore, either.

Thing is, your friend probably has no clue how she smells. After all, if she did, she'd probably have done something about it by now. So if you just blurted out that she stinks, your friend would realize she's been walking around smelling terrible, and everyone knows about her little "hygiene issue". She would probably be completely and utterly humiliated, and maybe angry at you for delivering the message (or maybe even for not telling her sooner).

So how to approach this delicate situation with tact, and without damaging your friendship? Personally, I'd opt for the indirect approach. Buy your friend a gift-pack of yummy-smelling cosmetic stuff, including scented deoderant, soaps and body spray. Give it to her for her birthday, as a March break gift, or just because you were thinking of her. Or tell her, "I got myself one of these, and I got a second one half-price. So here you go, enjoy it!" Then the next day, ask her, "Hey, have you tried any of that stuff I got you? I used everything this morning, I love it. You should too, you like it, don't you?" With any luck, your friend will dig into the goodies to please you, and get in the habit of using deoderizing products.

You could also be sneaky, and make it seem like the issue is yours. Tell your friend that you've been feeling a bit sweaty lately, and you realized both of you could be smelling! Discuss how you could deal with this, because you're really worried about smelling nice. Moan about hormones and puberty. Tell her your mom used to have a body odor problem when she was a teen, so you're really sensitive to this issue. Suggest to your friend that you both be more aware of this, and start wearing deoderant from now on. You can go shopping together for a good-smelling kind.

Here's thing thing, though. If none of this works, you are going to have to tell your friend, more straight-forwardly, what the issue is. Pull her to one side (so nobody else can overhear), or have your conversation when you're alone with her in the car. You could say something like, "Look, you're my friend and I wouldn't want you to be embarrassed if people were talking about you. So I think it's my duty to tell you the truth. I've noticed that you have a tiny bit of B.O. sometimes, and maybe you could do something about it." Even though you're a close friend, this still won't be the most pleasant thing for your friend to hear. But if you deliver the message really kindly, and she feels close enough to you, hopefully she won't be too offended by it. Good luck!