ALL HER FRIENDS ARE RICH

Dear Jellybean,

I have this problem that keeps bugging me every single day. I go to a private Catholic school, so the tuition is kinda pricy. All of the friends I have live in nice, brick homes with pools, boats, and nice cars. I live in a trailer with very cheap used cars and a tiny home-made boat. When my friends start to talk about their vacation to California, or the cruise they went on, I get really jealous. Because all my life I wanted to go see what California was like, and I've never gone. I've never been on a cruise either. My point is, I don't get a lot. My family is struggling a lot now, especially with my dad's bad back. I ask my parents why we don't have a lot of money, and they say "we don't get paid enough", but I really think it's because they didn't finish high school so they didn't get well paying jobs. (mom is teacher's aid, dad is welder) Plus, I have NO college savings. neither does my brother. my parents say that WE HAVE TO get a scholarship, or no college. It depresses me that we can't enjoy life, cuz we're constantly wondering if the power will go off or not. Could you please help me become happier and not be so jealous? Oh, and please don't say, "You should be happy with all the things you have", because, trust me, it's not a lot.
Thanks,
No Money, Honey

Dear No Money, Honey,

I would never brush off your problem. Being the go-without-kid in a have-it-all school is a tough situation to be in. It's no fun to see everyone else having it easy, while your family struggles. It's normal to have feelings of jealousy sometimes, and you shouldn't beat yourself up over that. But it doesn't mean you have to be a bitter, unhappy person all the time.

There are two kinds of people. When the first kind is in an unhappy situation, they ask themselves, "Can I do anything to change it?" If the answer is yes, they jump into making those changes, and improving their lives. If the answer is no, they ask themselves, "What can I do to be happier every day, since I can't change things anyway?"

The second type of person, when they're unhappy, says, "Life is unfair, and I can't do anything about it."

You have a choice. You can either be the first kind of person, or the second. I bet you can guess what I'm going to suggest you do.

Be the first kind of person. Start by asking yourself, "Can I do anything to change the situation I'm in?" You might think the answer is "no", but think again. First, you could consider asking your parents to send you to a public school. The education wouldn't be as great, but there would be lots more money for vacations, clothes, etc., since it wouldn't be going towards your expensive tuition. Now this is probably the worst idea ever, since you're getting a great education (probably with better chances of college scholarship too) than you would if you switched to public school. But since you're missing those extras, it's an option.

Another, more positive way you could change your situation is, come up with other ways to get the things you want. You're jealous of your schoolmates going on cool vacations and cruises? Investigate opportunities to study abroad in Europe for one of your high school years, or work in another state or country during the summer break. Kids do it all the time. You stay with a local family, get to live in an amazing new place, and possibly have the chance to learn a new language too. Check out websites such as Transitions Abroad, Edu-Culture International, and High School Programs Abroad for information. Or talk to your school's guidance counselor about study-abroad programs.

The point is, sitting there and hating your life is just a miserable way to live. You'll feel better if you start taking action to make your life more exciting, and rewarding, instead of just going through every day being unhappy.

Try not be hard on your parents, either. Poor as they are, they have somehow managed to put together enough cash to send you to a private school, where you can get an amazing high school education - and maybe earn the marks to get that scholarship you need. They probably have worked super-long hours, and done super-tough jobs, all in order to give you a chance at a better life than theirs. That takes a lot of effort, and a huge amount of love. So stop blaming them, and try to be thankful, and know they're doing their best.