MAKING FRIENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL

Dear Jellybean,

This is my freshman year in high school. I loved middle school! It was a small school and everyone knew each other. I could go up to and talk to anyone. I wasn't the most popular person, but I had tons of friends and felt like I totally belonged. I expected high school to be the same, even better. Since I went to a magnet middle school, all my friends went to different high schools and now it seems they have all made tons of new friends, even the ones that go to my school. It seems all the cliques are already formed and I don't belong. I know I can't stop people from socializing, but I feel so left out because I am having a hard time making new friends. I haven't really hung out with anyone new and I am sad because I am used to always having someone to hang with on the weekend. I am shy and it takes me awhile to be able to relax around other people. I stay after for a lot of activities and clubs but haven't really bonded that much with anyone. It wasn't until 7th grade I made good friends in middle school! How can I finally make friends?
Sincerely,
Feeling Kind of Lonely

Dear Feeling Kind of Lonely

Give it time. I have a feeling that within a month or so, you're going to be feeling much better about this. You obviously have great social skills, and that's what helped you to make all those friends at your old school. Keep going to those activities and clubs, keep pushing yourself to break out of your shyness and talk to peope, and you'll soon make new friends who fill up your time.

Since you are naturally shy, one great "trick" for talking to new people is put the focus on them. With very few exceptions, even the most outgoing people feel a little uncomfortable around people they don't know. So instead of thinking of how shy you are, or how everyone else already has friends, pretend it's your job to make other people feel great. If you are talking to someone who doesn't know you well, say at an after-school group, put your energy into making THEM feel more at ease. Smile, act friendly, and they will pick up on your tone, and probably act friendly in return. Ask questions about them, get them talking about themselves, and use those social skills that helped you in middle school. I bet you're going to do great in high school.