SO-CALLED FRIEND IS VIOLENT

Dear Jellybean,

Ok, maybe I'm a little chubby, but I don't think I'm fat. I'm 12, 5 foot 1 and 106 pounds. I have this girl who claims to be my friend who hits me, pushes me and insults me, mainly by calling me fat. What's really annoying is all of my friends totally love her and think I'm crazy for not liking her. I mean, in front of them she said I was the ugliest of all of her friends, and my friends still say she's super nice. What can I do to put up with her?
-Annoyed

Dear Annoyed,

Your problem is not weight - it's having a violent person calling herself your friend. You are so skinny, it's not even funny. It's your so-called "friend" who has a serious problem. You might not think it's such a big deal, but this girl's behavior is abnormal and scary, and you need to take it seriously.

There is absolutely NO excuse for physical (and verbal) violence of the kind you describe. If a parent did it to a child, it would be called "child abuse". If a husband did it to his wife, it would be called "domestic violence" or "spousal abuse". So just because you and your friend are teens, doesn't mean it's not just as serious. What you've been experiencing could be called "friend abuse" - and staying in this so-called "friendship" is putting you at risk of becoming hurt and psychologically terrorized.

I know your instinct is to keep the peace and "put up" with this person, but since you asked for my advice, I am telling you to distance yourself from her as quickly as possible. Most violent people don't suddenly stop abusing others. In fact, the violence tends to escalate (get worse over time), until something awful happens.

Other people may be fooled and think this girl is nice, or maybe they're just scared of her. But don't let that be the reason you put up with the abuse. And don't listen to any threats she makes about stealing your friends away, or anything of that nature. Tactics like that are just a trick, commonly used by bullies, to keep you around as her punching bag.

I strongly urge you to break off this friendship IMMEDIATELY and let her parents, teachers and others know about the violence, so they can help her with this problem. Otherwise, she'll just find another, weaker person to pick on, and you don't want that. You should mention any threats your friend has made to your parents and teachers, because they need to know what could happen when you end the friendship. Warn your other friends too, and make sure to report to the authority figures if you see or hear of your friend doing any violence against other people.

Do NOT hestitate to report this. You might think it's a little matter that should be handed between friends, but that is just wrong. This situation is beyond your ability to handle on your own, and you must involve authority figures.