KEEP CRUSHES SECRET FROM FRIENDS?

Dear Jellybean,

I have a problem, see I have a new crush on a guy and I don't like telling anyone. But when my friends tell me their crushes they expect me to tell mine. I don't like to do that. However if i refuse, they get angry. And say things like "its only fair cause i told you mine."

And if i still don't say the get mad and don't talk to me. So, i always clapse in to pressure because i don't want to be in a fight over a crush. I know what your thinking, what's the harm in saying so? Well some of my BFF's (i love them but) they are natrual flirters and will flirt subconsciously or develop crushes after I say so. It may be best to pretend that i don't have a crush.... but I always give myself away because I blush or something and if I don't say I have a crush then someone else does that sort of gives them the "right" to flirt.
-Crushed between friend dilemma

Dear Crushed,

You don't owe your friends any information. Being friends with someone doesn't mean you've signed a contract to reveal all - or really any - of your secrets, although sharing confidences can be a very rewarding part of friendship. But you might want to ask yourself why you're so insecure about your friends flirting with a guy you like.

Do you secretly believe that nobody would like you better, if they had the choice between you and some of your friends? If that's the case, this isn't a friendship issue, but an insecurity one. You need to believe that you're good enough for a guy to like, and that a guy could like you better than your friends. There's always going to be competition for the great guys - but if you're meant to be with someone, he won't notice anybody else, whether or not they're flirtatious as all get-out - because he'll only see you.

Of course, if your friends are shameless flirts and it bothers you, or if you worry their behavior is a dead giveaway of who you like (when you don't want the guy to know), there's nothing wrong with saying something to your friends. Just be honest about your feelings, and say it in the nicest way.

For instance, if your friends bug you about revealing your current crush, you could say, "I do like someone, but I don't want him to know yet. I'm worried you guys will somehow give it away if I tell you." Or, "If I tell you, do you promise on our friendship not to act any differently around him?"