FRIEND SMOKES AND DRINKS

Dear Jellybean,

My dearest friend even though she teases me a lot just recently told me that she smokes. She told me not to tell anyone. Hopefully she doesn't try to get me into the habit, she hasnt tried it yet. I dont know if I should keep her as a friend or not. She told me I should be friend but I dont know. What if she tries to get me into it? On top of this she occasionally drinks until she's drunk. Should I still be her friend? What should I do to quit? Please help.
-Confused and Frustrated

Dear Confused and Frustrated,

First of all, let me congratulate you on your decision not to smoke or drink alcohol. You are a very strong young woman and I really admire your determination to stay away from these harmful substances. That takes a lot of strength, especially in the teen years, and you are doing an amazing job.

You're smart to be worried. Your friend may or may not be addicted to cigarettes now, but she will be soon if she keeps it up. Cigarette companies are totally evil and they put harsh chemicals in cigarettes that are specially formulated by their on-staff "doctors" to be totally addictive to your brain. So even if a teen only smokes a couple of cancer sticks a week, she can still wind up addicted. As I said, evil.

Tell your friend that smoking grosses you out - and you're not the only one. Tell her most guys would refuse to kiss someone who smokes because it is like licking a dirty ashtray. Also tell her that smokers reek of stale smoke which is about as nice as reeking of pee. Tell your friend that you are worried about her health. If she is into sports, tell her that smoking even one cigarette a day cuts down a person's lung capacity by 50 percent over time, so her athletic skills (and possibly her thin figure, if she keeps fit through exercise) are going to go right down the toilet if she continues to puff away.

If you think your friend is becoming addicted to cigarettes, mention quitting options that you've heard about, such as nicotine gum or the patch. Remind her all the benefits of quitting smoking, like saving tons of cash, having better breath, getting sick less often, etc. Ask her whether there's anything you can do to help her quit. For more info and tips on this subject (for you or to pass along to your friend), check out the Why Quit website.

Freak out your friend by giving her the URL of a page showing a disgusting, real Smoker's Lung (click here to see for yourself) or print out a color picture of it. Keep bugging your friend about this, if she matters to you. It will likely take more than one lecture from you to make her quit. And maybe she won't, but at least you will know you tried.

You should know that for your own health, you should never be around your friend when she is smoking, especially indoors. Second-hand smoke (breathing in smoke from another person's cigarette) is almost as deadly as smoking it yourself. So if she lights up around you, just say "I don't need to die, for something I don't even do" and walk away from her.

As for the drinking, ask your friend if it's an occasional thing, or if she might be addicted. If she says she doesn't "need" to drink, challenge her to quit it for one month. If she refuses, point out that only an addicted person can't stop. Tell your friend you're worried about her behavior. Also be honest and tell her she could lose your friendship if she keeps it up, because you are not a boozer and you don't want to hang around with people who drink booze.

Some teens believe drinking alcohol will help them have more fun, or be more popular. Others are simply curious and figure one try won't hurt. Others want to fit in with the crowd. Many teens drink to gain negative attention from their parents, or because they think drinking will help them escape their problems. The truth is, drinking never solves problems. Alcohol simply drowns out feelings and problems temporarily. When it wears off, the feelings and problems remain - or become worse. Alcohol is also fattening, and can impair judgement - a dangerous thing if a girl is around people she can't trust 100 percent. Talk to your friend about these issues, and keep telling her you worry for her.

Whatever you do, don't get pulled down an evil path with your friend. Stick to your strong convictions against smoking and alcohol, because they are two habits it's smart to avoid. If your friend decides that she isn't going to stop doing them... well then, maybe you need to find a smarter friend.

Good luck - I hope that talking honestly about these issues with your friend, will help you two keep the friendship going. But sometimes, people go in different directions, and friendships must end. Do your best, but if you must, do bail on the relationship if you feel like your values or health are threatened.