FEELING BLUE AND PARENTS WON'T LISTEN

Dear Jellybean,

Hiya, I was hoping you might be able to offer me some advice. I've 15 years old, almost 16 and for the past two years since a huge move that more or less uprooted my life (and feelings of saftey). At first I thought it was only blues but after about a summer of feeling like jumping off of a building and being prodded by a friend I finally thought it might be something serious. My friend lived far away and was the only person I could confide in at the time, my friends and my new school weren't really my friends and made me feel like I was a bother and ht efirends from my old hom emore or less ignored me, this new friend was all I had. She prodded me to tell my mom, sayin gshe understood. And that is about where everything started going down hill.

I told my mother I htought I might have depression, she laughed at me, told me I was a normal, overeageratory(sp?) teenager, and told me I couldn't have depression because, of all things, my brother had depression. He was apparently more expressive then me. Where am I going with this?

Well because of that I dont know how to talk to my parents or my friends, after that empisode all of my friends stopped talking to me and I didn't dare get upset in front of my parents. It hasn't gotten much better since, friendships may have formed but I'm so insecure about their reactions that I'm afraid to talk to them and even when I do i can't do it face to face, only on the internet. Its gotten so bad that I have in the past resorted to cutting to ease myself. Granted I haven't done it in months and am in no way suicidal, but its always there. To add to my fear about my friends, my parents seem to constatly be on my nerves.

I'm called oversensitve by my parents, my dad even once said I was acting like a baby just becaus eI didn't do somehting he liked. I feel like, around them, I have to be an entirely diffrent person. My mother says I'm fine just the way I am bu then she comments about my hair, or my clothes, or my choice of friends all of which she knows (an dI KNOW she knows) upset me. She makes herself seem to be the injured party, always tired, always overworked and she makes m efeel bad for not being exactly like her, for not cleaning or being as active. I stated cooking, vacumming, small stuff and all she does (at least when it comes to cleaning) is tell me what I'm doing worng! She finally leaves me alone when I'm cooking but with everything else I come short.I"ve tried talking to her but all she does is make me feel guiltly fo rhte way I feel. She ALWAYS thinks she understands me, she thinks she's above me because she's been alive longer and it drives me crazy because she doesn't usually even stop to consider my feelings or opinions. My dads the same way, if not worse. Though my mom is pushy and underhanded, my dad is irratable and worse, he thinks hes knows best for me. For as long as I can remember, my dad was either at work or asleep on the couch. The only conversation we had was eithe rhim yelling at me or making fun of me even when he knows it bothers me (thats wer eht eoversensitive comment came from.) To top all THAT off, my parents say mean things about each other all the time. Now I wouldn't mind if they made up and stuff but I hate their fighting and worse I hate being in the middle of it! They make snide, hurtful comments about the other person to me and almost expect me to nod an agree. I try to stand up for the other parent but they ignore me, and I'm tired of it. They dont even have the respect to argue behind closed doors.

Okay, once again your probably wondering where all this guts spilling is leading. WEll I need advice on what to do, how do I learn to trust my friends and not be afraid their going to think I'v melodramatic or stupid? How do help them understand what I'm feeling? I'm shy, an dI'm not sure how to get all this out to them. AS for my parents, I dont want to hurt their feelings or get another "its just hormones" talk (that seems to be their miracle cause foreverything) but I'm sick of never feeling good enough. When I am feelin ggood they manage to squash it out of me and I'm tired of bein gon edge about messing up. Its ruining my life, both with my parents and my friends.

What can I do? Please help
-Confused Chica

Dear Confused Chica,

First of all, an interesting fact: Depression is often genetic. So if your brother has depression, it's not that surprising that you might have it too. Depression does have a nasty habit of running in families.

It sounds like your parents don't really want to hear this though. For whatever reason, they are not taking what you say very seriously, and they are acting quite negatively when you try to explain yourself. This is why I'm going to recommend going to someone outside the family for help. You wrote to me, and that's an awesome first step. But what you really need, is to talk to someone who is experienced in depression counseling. Start by calling one of the free teen depression hotlines. They don't cost anything, they are totally confidential and private, and the numbers will not show up on your phone bill. Calling the hotlines is great, because you get to talk one-on-one (privately!) with a really caring and smart person, who can give you tips on how to talk to your folks about your feelings, how to figure out exactly what is going on with you, and where you can get support and help. You'll find phone numbers for the hotlines in your country at the Myjellybean.com Hotlines page.