MOM IS SUPER-CRITICAL

Dear Jellybean,

My mom is very critical of everything I do. It's really annoying. If I'm not "perfect" then she's upset. But the thing is, I'm not perfect. Nobody is. But she can't seem to accept me for who I am. If I mention one imperfection about her though, she'll get very upset. I don't get it. It's okay to but me about what's "wrong" with me, but I can't mention anything "wrong" with her?

She also overreacts to everything, and she nags at me all the time. I feel like I have to please her all the time. I do things just so she'll be happy, but she's depressed so nothing makes her happy.

She's also the same way with my dad. They don't get along, either. My dad's mentioned to me that he wants to get a divorce from her, because she's just so hard to live with. I really don't want my parents to divorce, but I'm afraid things will just get worse if they stay together.

I seriously need some help.
-Jessica

Dear Jessica,

It's certainly annoying to be picked on. If your mom is actually suffering from depression though, she may not have the emotional intelligence to think about others right now. Depression is an illness, and it's an awfully self-absorbed one. When a person is going through depression, they might lash out at others by criticizing them, but they really are thinking only about themselves - and not liking themselves very much.

Your mom needs to get therapy, and perhaps medication, for her depression. Encourage her to seek medical help, but ask your dad to really try and make it happen. Part of depression is feeling like everything is hopeless, so your mom might think therapy/meds are a big waste of time. However, because it is a disease, just like cancer or any physical disease, depression rarely goes away on its own. It requires treatment by a professional. So it's really up to your dad to take care of your mom, by making sure that she gets the help she needs. This could not only save your mom, but it could save your family, and all your relationships with each other.

And speaking of those relationships, be careful not to get caught in between your mom and dad. If your dad talks about divorce to you again, ask him not to confide in your about those things. It's too much burden for you to carry, worrying about your parents' marriage. All you can do is take care of yourself. And while we're on the subject of therapy, you're going to need some too. Families of depressed patients suffer a lot, and you need help to learn how to cope with your feelings about your mom's sickness, how you can help her get better, and how not to take her disease personally. Ask your dad to find you someone to talk to, or call one of the free teen hotlines (check the Myjellybean.com Hotlines page) for some immediate, confidential chat.