Dear Jellybean,
My friends have a problem with my boyfriend. They always say "He's an awful person, he's mean to us!! Dump him!! Dump him!!" I'm the only one that noitices that, he treats them, how they treat him. They're mean to him and they call him names, and it makes me so mad sometimes. Something is going on in his life where he can be kinda upset and he acts differently. Me and my other best friend are the only ones that know what's wrong, but last week, she turned on me.... She took the other girls' side. So i was on the phone with him at the end of that day, and we met on msn and I said, to him on msn, "Why are we still on the phone, we'e barely saying anything..." and he said, "Because, I like hearing the sound of your voice." And it made me so happy. They don't know that side of him, nobody does. What should I do to get my friends to stop being mean to my boyfriend and be friends with him??
-Having trouble with friends
Dear Having trouble,
Have you asked your friends why they are so against your boyfriend? Try asking your friends to spell out exactly what they are worried about, and think seriously about what they tell you. Are they just being snobs, or are they trying to save you from becoming someone you are not?
If your friends give superficial reasons for disliking your boyfriend, such as not liking his looks, the way he dresses, the area he lives in, or the car he drives, that's a basic case of snobbery and should not be taken seriously. Then you just need to tell your friends not to judge your guy without knowing him, because he's awesome in the ways that count, like treating you with respect and being a good boyfriend.
However, if your friends are all against your boyfriend, there is a chance they're not just doing it just to be mean. It could be that your girlfriends are being protective of you, because they see something in your sweetie that you are missing - something quite negative.
It's nice that your boyfriend has a soft side that only you see. But is he good for you? You he likes to hear your voice on the phone, and it seems like you are giving a lot emotionally to this relationship. But what are you getting in return? What are the things you like about him? Does he give you support when you're feeling emotional? Is he lots of fun to hang out with? Does he take you on dates? Or does he do anything - such as smoking, drinking, partying excessively, or getting in trouble with authorities - that could be bad for you? If so, your friends have reason to be genuinely concerned.Helping someone in crisis is very kind, but there has to be more than that to a relationship.
I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend is going through a rough time. You're a good girlfriend to give him emotional support through whatever that is. But you should also know that just because your boyfriend is having trouble, doesn't give him license to treat other people "differently" (by which I suspect you mean "badly" or "rudely"). Everyone goes through tough times. It's how we treat others when we are not feeling our best, that shows our true character.
