SEX AND BIRTH CONTROL

Dear Jellybean,

Alright, so heres the deal. Lately, I've been seriously considering having sex with my boyfriend. I believe that I am ready. But, I do want to take every step to prevent pregnancy/sexually transmitted diseases. So basically, I want on "the pill." This is going to be a very hard thing for me because my mom will never allow it. Even if I ask her, she'll shoot me down and never let me see my boyfriend again just incase we do "do it." I am only fifteen years old, but my despite my age I can't stop my desire. I know that I'll end up doing it. I do love him. I was going to go get birth control with my friend because her sister was taking her anyway. I just really dont want my mom to find out... I am so confused on what to do, but I need to know soon before i do something stupid. Please, please help. Thank you.

Dear Writer,

You're short on facts, so I need to set you straight. The pill does help to protect against unwanted pregnancies. But it does NOT protect against ANY sexually transmitted diseases. The only way to protect against STDs is for your boyfriend to use a latex condom every single time you have sexual intercourse. These are available at drugstores, and there are many different brands to choose from.

Now onto your big decision. Choosing to have sex for the first time is a huge deal. You can never go back to being a virgin, and having sex really does change your life in a huge way, not least because it introduces a whole new world of responsibility (preventing pregnancy, avoiding STDs, etc). If you have any teeny doubts about whether you should become sexually active, I strongly suggest that you read the "Sex Readiness Checklist" at Scarleteen.com - click here for that webpage.

If you do decide to have sex, Whether or not you tell your mom is a personal decision. But even if you decide you're not ready to talk to her, do NOT have sex without birth control! You absolutely have to get on birth control if you plan to have sex. Otherwise, you're just asking to get pregnant... and also, possibly, to pick up a potentially deadly or crippling sexually-transmitted-disease (STD). You're going to need a pregnancy prevention method, such as the pill, plus a latex condom, as I said above.

My honest opinion is that if you feel that you're responsible enough to have sex, then you should be willing to ask your mom to make an appointment at the doctor's to get birth control. Your mom might be shocked and upset, but it is better that you admit that you need the pill, then to do this in secret and end up getting pregnant.

But if you just can't tell your mom, go and get birth control anyway. You should NEVER have sex without it, unless you are trying to have a baby. There are places you can go to get birth control without your mom knowing, such as free clinics run by Planned Parenthood. These places not only dish out the birth control, they can give you very helpful info about protecting your body from STD's and tell you how to use the birth control effectively. To find a Planned Parenthood clinic in your town, use these links:

If you live in the U.S., click here for the Planned Parenthood Federation of America website. At the very top of the webpage, there's a place to enter your zipcode and state, to find the closest Planned Parenthood health center to you.

If you live in Canada, click here for the Canadian Federation for Sexual Health website. Use the map to find your nearest health centre.

There may be other free clinics in your town too. Check your local Yellow Pages under "Clinics", "Health and Welfare Clinics" or "Medical Clinics."

Speaking of birth control... have you and your boyfriend talked about what will happen if you get pregnant? Don't say that it won't happen. The only way to be 100% safe is to not have sex. Are you ready for the responsibility of giving birth and taking care of a child? If the answer is no... then you shouldn't be having sex. This might seem to be harsh to you, but having a child to take care of is worse then having to ask your mom to put you on the pill. Think about it before you make your next move. And be sure to check out that Scarleteen Readiness Checklist (link above) - it really can be helpful when making this decision.