Dear Jellybean,
Okay, so last year when I moved here I met this girl and she became one of my best friends. We kinda became like sisters in a way. Anyways, last year she began dating this kid. When I met him we hit it off because we had so much in common. Like we act the same, we are from the same state, etc. We just get each other so well. Like when I'm upset or mad he's like the only person that knows what to say and how to calm me down and make me smile. I feel so right with him. So, as you can tell we kinda became best friends!! Ever since we became close, everyone was like that we are going to get together and stuff. But, I promised myself thatI would never do that because he went out with my best friend. But, she didn't treat him right and it makes me mad. Even other girls, they don't know what their missing. Like, he's the type of guy I always wanted He's caring but not to serious. He acts dumb and crazy like me. All we do is laugh and act like little kids and I like that. I told this guy who I'm friends with and he tells me to go for him because we are perfect for each other. I don't wanna hurt my friend because she "says" she loves him. I want him so bad but I can't tell him!! Plus, I don't want to ruin my friendship with him. Our friendship means the WORLD to me!!! I love dis kid to death!! I'm confused and I have no clue what to do at all. I just want to be happy, but I want everyone else to be happy, too!!
Sincerely,
Confused beyond belief!
Dear Confused,
You can't have everything you want. It's just not going to happen. You can have the guy, and maybe lose the friend. Or you can keep the friend, and keep the guy as a friend, but not get the guy as your boyfriend. It's great that you want everyone else to be happy, but sometimes that's not compatible with going for what you want.
You seem to have good values, in terms of not wanting to date a guy who dated your best friend. That is the girl code after all - we're not supposed to do that to our closest girlfriends. But obviously your heart is pulling you in a different direction. I know you probably want me to give you permission to go for him, seeing as how you make him sound so perfect for you... but I can't do that. All I can tell you is, you need to listen to your conscience, and consider whether you can deal with just being great friends with him for a while, at least until your BFF finds a new love. Because when she falls head over heels for someone new, she probably won't care about who her ex dates anymore... and then you can make your move.
One thing... you don't mention that your BFF has broken up with this guy. I'm assuming she has, and that you wouldn't be going on about how perfect he is for you, if she were still dating him. However, if they are still together, back away! Going after someone who's actually dating your BFF - no matter how she treats him - is evil. It's not your place to judge their relationship, and your loyalty is supposed to be to her, not her boyfriend. Keep that in mind, and your decision about what you should do next might be easier to make.
